|30||From Oct. 16 1959 Arrival -||Leaving|
Oct. 16. Arrive from Helsinki by train; am met by Intourest Repre. and in car to Hotel "Berlin". Reges. as. "studet" 5 day Lux. tourist. Ticket.) Meet my Intorist guied Rhimma Sherikova I explain to her I wish to appli. for Rus. citizenship. She is flabbergassed, but aggrees to help. She checks with her boss, main office Intour; than helps me add. a letter to Sup. Sovit asking for citizenship, mean while boss telephons passport & visa office and notifies them about me.
Oct. 17 - Rimma meets me for Intourist sighseeing says we must contin. with this although I am too nevous she is "sure" I'll have an anserwer. soon. Asks me about myself and my reasons for doing this I explain I am a communist, ect. She is politly sym. but uneasy now. She tries to be a friend to me. she feels sorry for me I am someth. new.
Sun Oct. 18. My 20th birthday, we visit exhib. in morning and in the after noon The Lenin-Stalin tomb. She gives me a present Book "Ideot" by Dostoevski.
Oct. 19 Tourism. Am anxious since my visa is good for five days only and still no word from auth. about my reqest.
Oct. 20. Rimmer in the afternoon says Intourist was notified by the pass & visa dept. that they want to see me I am excited greatly by this news.
Oct. 21. (mor) Meeting with single offial. Balding stout, black suit fairly. good English, askes what do I want?, I say Sovite citizenship, he ask why I give vauge answers about "Great Soviet Union" He tells me "USSR only great in Literature wants use to go back home" I am stunned I reiterate, he says he shall check and let me know weather my visa will be (exteaded it exipiers today) Eve. 6.00 Recive word from police official. I must leave country tonight at. 8.00 P.M. as visa expirs. I am shocked!! My dreams! I retire to my room. I have $100. left. I have waited for 2 year to be accepted. My fondes dreams are shattered because of a petty offial; because of bad planning I planned to much! 7.00 P.M. I decide to end it. Soak rist in cold water to numb the pain. Than slash my left wrist. Than plaug wrist into bathtub of hot water. I think "when Rimma comes at 8. to find me dead it wil be a great shock. somewhere, a violin plays, as I
Oct. 21 (con.) wacth my life whirl away. I think to myself. "how easy to die" and a sweet death, (to violins ) about 8.00 Rimma finds my unconcious (bathtub water a rich red color) she screams (I remember that) and runs for help. Amulance comes, am taken to hospital where five stitches are put in my wrist. Poor Rimmea stays by side as interrpator (my Russian is still very bad) far into the night, I tell her "go home" (my mood is bad) but she stays, she is my "friend" She has a strong will only at this moment I notice she is preety
Oct. 22. Hospital I am in a small room with about 12 others (sick persons.) 2 ordalies and a nurse the room is very drab as well as the breakfast. Only after prolonged (2 hours) observation of the other pat. do I relize I am in the Insanity ward. This relizatinn disqits me. Later in afternoon I am visited by Rimma, she comes in with two doctors, as interr she must ask me medical question; Did you know what you were doing? Ans. yes Did you blackout? No. ect. I than comp. about poor food the doctors laugh app. this is a good sign Later they leave, I am alone with Rimma (amonst the mentaly ill) she encourgest me and scolds me she says she will help me me get trasfered to another section of Hos. (not for insane) where food is good.
Oct. 23. Transfered to ordinary ward, (airy, good food.) but nurses suspious of me.) they know). Afternoon. I am visited by Rosa Agafonova tourist office of the hotel,/ who askes about my health, very beauitiful, excelant Eng., very merry and kind, she makes me very glad to be alive. Later Rimma vists
Oct. 24 Hospital routine, Rimma visits me in afternoon
Oct. 25. " "
Oct. 26 An elderly American at the hospital grow suspious about me for some reason. because at Embassy I told him I had not registered as most tourist and I am in general evasive about my presence in Moscow and at Afternoon hospital. Rimma visits.
Oct. 27 Stiches are taken out by doctor with "dull" scisor Mo
Wed Oct. 28 Leave hospital in intorist car. with Rimma for hotel "Berlin" later I change hotels to "Metropole" all cloths packed, and money from my room (to the last kopeek) returned as well as watch, ring. Ludmilla Dimitrova (Intorist office head) and Rosa invite me to come and sit and take with them any time. I get lonesome at new hotel. They feel sorry for me.
Oct. 28(con.) Rimma notifies me that, pass & registration office whshes to see me about my future. Later Rimma and car pick me up and we enter the officies to find four offials waiting for me (all unknown to me) They ask how my arm is, I say O.K., They ask "Do you want to go to your home land. I say no I want Sovite citizen I say I want to reside in the Soviet Union. They say they will see about that. Than they ask me about the lone offial with whom I spoke in the first place (appar. he did not pass along my request at all but thought to simply get rid of me by not extending my Soviet visa. At the time I requested it) I desqribe him (they make notes) (what papers do you have to show who and what you are? I give them my dischare papers from the Marine Corps. They say wait for our ans. I ask how long? Not soon. Later Rimma comes to check on me. I feel insulted and insult her.
Oct. 29. Hotel Room 214 Metropole Hotel. I wait. I worry I eat once, stay next to phone worry I keep fully dressed
Oct. 30. Hotel Room I have been in hotel three days, if seems like three years I must have some sort of a showdown!
Oct. 31. I make my dision. Getting passport at 12"O0 I meet and talk with Rimma for a few minutes she says: stay in your room and eat well, I don't tell her about what I intend to do since I know she would not approve. After she leaves I wait a few minutes and than I catch a taxi, "American Embassy" I say. 12"30, I arrive American Embassy, I walk in and say to the receptionist 'I would like to see the Consular" she points at a large lager and says "If you are a tourist please register". I take out my American passport and lay it in the desk, I have come to dissolve my American citizenship. I saymatter-of-factly she rises and enters the office of Richard Snyder American Head Consular in Moscow at that time. He invites me to sit down. He finishes a letter he is typing and than ask what he can do for me. I tell him I have dicided to take Soviet citizenship and would like to leagly dissolve my U.S. citizenship. His assitant (now Head Consular) McVickers looks up from his work. Snyder
says- takes down personall Information, ask questions
|33 1959||His Diary||page 4|
Sat. Oct 31. (con) warnes me not to take any steps before the soviets except me, says I am a "fool", and says the dissolution papers are along time in preparing (In other words refuses to allow me at that time to dissolve U.S. citiz. I state "my mind is make up" From this day forward I consider myself no citizen of the U.S.A. I spend 40 minutes at the Embassy before Snyder says 'now unless you wish to expound on your maxist belifes you can go." I wish to dissolve U.S. citiz, not today he says in effect. I leave Embassy, elated at this showdown, returning to my hotel I feel now my enorgies are not spent in vain. I'm sure Russians will except me after this sign of my faith in them. 2:00 a knock, a reporter by the name of Goldstene wants ass interview I'm flabbergassed "how did you find out? The Embassy called us." He said. I send him away I sit and relize this is one way to bring pressure on me. By notifing my relations in U.S. through the newspapers. Atthough they would say "ifs for the public record." A half hour later another reporter Miss Mosby comes. I answer a few quick questions after refusing an interviwe. I am surprised at the interest. I get phone calls from "Time" at night a phone call from the States I refuse all calles without finding out who's it from. I feel non-deplused because of the attention 10:00 I retire.
Nov. 1 - more reporters, 3 phone calls from brother & mother, now I feel slightly axzillarated, not so lonly.
Nov -2-15 Days of utter loneliness I refuse all reports phone calls I remaine in my room, I am racked with dsyentary.
Nov 15 - I decide to give an interview, I have Miss Mosbys card so I call her. She drives right over. I give any story, allow pictures, later story is distorted, sent without my peurmission, that is: before I ever saw and O.K.'ed her story. Again I feel slightly better because of the attention
Nov. 16. A Russian official comes to usy room askes how I am. Notifies me a I can remain in USSR till some solution in found with what to do with me, it is comforting news for me.
Nov 17 - Dec. 30 I have bought myself two self-teaching Russian Lan. Books I force myself to study 8 hours a day I sit in my room and read and memorize words. All meals I take in my room. Rimmea arranged that. It is very cold on the street so I rarley go outside at all for this month and a-half I see no one speak to no-one accept every-now-and-than Rimmea, who calls the ministry about me. Have they forgotten?, During December I paid no money to the hotel, but Rimmer told Hotel I was expecting alot of money from USA. I have $28. left. This month I was called to the passport office and met 3 new offials who asked me the same questions I ans. a month before. They appear not to know me at all.
Dec 31. New Yearseve, I spend in the company of Rosa Agafoneva at the Hotel Berlin, she has the duty. I sit with her untill past mignight, she gives me a small "Boratin," clown, for a New Years present She is very nice I found out only recently she is married, has small son who was born crippled, that is why she is so strangly tender and compeling.
Jan 1 - No change in routine
Jan 4. I ama called to passport office and finihly given a Soviet document not the soviet citizenship as I so wanted, only a Residence document, not even for foringners but a paper called "for those without citizenship." Still I am happy. The offial says they are sending me to the city of "Minsk" I ask "is that in Siberia? He only laughes. He also tells me that they have arranged for me to recive some money though the Red Cross. to pay my hotel bills amid expensis. I thank the gentelmen and leave later in the afternoon I see Rimma "she asks are you happy" "yes"
Jan. 5. I go to Red Cross in Moscow for money with Interrupter (a new one) I recive 5000. rubles a huge sum!! Later in Minsk I am to earn 70 rubles a month at the factory
Jan. 7. I leave Moscow by train for Minsk, Belorussia. My hotel bill was 2200, rubles and the train ticket to Minsk 150. rubles so I have alot of money & hope. I wrote my brother & mother letters in which I said I do not wish to every contact you again." I am begining anew life and I don't want any part of the old".
|35||DIARY Minsk.||page 6|
Oct. The coming of Fall, my dread of a new Russian winter, are mellowed in splendid golds and reds of a fall in Belorussia plums peaches appricots and cherrys abound for these last fall weeks I am a healthy brown color and stuffed with fresh fruit. (at other times of the year unobtainable)
Oct. 18 my 21st birthday see's Rosa, Pavil, Ella at a small party at my place Ella a very attractive Russian Jew I have been going walking with lately, works at the radio factory also. Rosa and Ella are jelous of each other it brings a warm feeling to me. Both are at my place for the first time. Ella and Pavil both give ash-tray's (I don't smoke) we have a laugh.
Nov. Finds the approach of winter now. A growing lonliness overtakes me in spite of my conquest of Ennatachina a girl from Riga, studying at the music conservorie in Minsk.
and short After an affair which last a few weeks we part.
Nov 15 in Nov. I make the acqunintaces of four girls rooming at the For. lan. domitory in room 212. Nell is very interesting, so is Tomka, Tomis and Alla. I usually go to the institute domatory with a friend of mine who speaks english very well. Eraich Titov is in the forth year at the medical institute. Very bright fellow At the domatory we 6 sit and talk for hours in
I am having a light affair with Nell Korobka.
New Years I spend at home of Ella Germain. I think I'm in love with her. She has refused my more dishonourable advanis, we drink and eat in the presenec of her family in a very hospitable atmosfere. Later I go home drunk and happy. Passing the river homeward, I decide to propose to Ella.
Jan. 2. After a pleasent handin-hand walk to the local cinima we come home, standing on the doorstep I propose's She hesitates than refuses, my love is real but she has none for me. Her reason besides lack of love; I am american and someday might be arrested simply because of that example Polish Inlervention in the 20's. led to arrest of all people in the Soviet Union of polish oregen "you understand the world situation there is too much against you and you don't even know it" I am stunned she snickers at my awkarness in turning to go (I am too stunned too think!) I realize she was never serious with me but only exploited any being an american, in order to get the envy of the other girls who consider me different from the Russian Boys. I am misarable!